NBA Power Rankings by RP

DSS Readers,

This week’s rankings themselves are as normal. But to switch it up a little, accompanying them are my favorite players/characters on each team, instead of a regular write up. Enjoy!

~RP

1. Los Angeles Lakers (14-1) – Sasha Vujacic – Any BFF of Kobe is good with me…



2. Boston Celtics (17-2) – Eddie House – Owner of my Dream Job: Fire up as many threes as humanly possible for the NBA Champion.

3. Cleveland Cavaliers (14-3) – Sasha Pavlovic – When told once in practice to step it up on defense, Aleksandar replied, “My offense is my defense.” In his defense (pun intended) he did put the locks on Mike Redd last week.

4. Portland Trailblazers (12-6) – Rudy Fernandez – Can’t you just picture him tearing up the salsa club?

5. Denver Nuggets (12-6) – J.R. Smith – Maybe the league leader in Tats.

6. Orlando Magic (13-5) – Courtney Lee – Because WKU has that blob guy as their mascot. I just don’t like a lot of guys on this team.

7. San Antonio Spurs (9-7) – Roger Mason – Looks like a member of Jagged Edge.

8. New Orleans Hornets (11-7) – Melvin Ely – In a competition with Marshawn Lynch for title of “Ugliest/Scariest Human.”

9. Houston Rockets (11-7) – Chuck Hayes – Seems like a nice dude. He might be the preeminent “Football Player” in the NBA.

10. Phoenix Suns (11-7) – Matt Barnes – Not really sure what race he represents. Guys like him need a new option to fill in on standardized tests and job applications: Gangster.

11. Atlanta Hawks (10-6) – Marvin Williams – Maybe he’ll make the A forget about CP3 and Deron. Uhhhh…

12. Detroit Pistons (10-6) – Kwame Brown – How I wish I was at the Ballers' Spectacular…



13. Utah Jazz (11-7) – Paul Millsap – Owner of the best nickname in the league. “The Paperboy” hails from the same Alma Mater as “The Mailman.”

14. New Jersey Nets (9-7) – Eduardo Najera – Mexico’s greatest contribution since Taco Bell.

15. Chicago Bulls (8-9) – Larry Hughes – Highest paid player on the team. Worst player in the league.

16. Miami Heat (9-9) – Daequan Cook – Best haircut in the NBA.

17. Toronto Raptors (8-8) – Anthony Parker – He has a hot for a baller sister.

18. Philadelphia 76ers (7-10) – Louis Williams – He is going to fill it up on bad teams over a solid 10-12 year career. Jamal Crawford clone.

19. Dallas Mavericks (8-8) – Brandon Bass – Not a lot of likeable guys on this team. A monster of a man that should be a nice contributor for a while.

20. New York Knicks (8-8) – Stephon Marbury - $20 Million. “F--- You, Pay Me!”

21. Milwaukee Bucks (7-12) – Ramon Sessions – Game as cool as his name.

22. Indiana Pacers (6-10) – Brandon Rush – Looks like Denzel in his prime. Carries himself like a 10 year vet.

23. Golden State Warriors (5-13) – Stephen Jackson – He’s been my FaceBook main picture on several occasions. Just for kicks...

24. Charlotte Bobcats (6-11) – Matt Carroll – Somehow convinced MJ to PAY him.

25. Sacramento Kings (5-14) – Kevin Martin – Single-handily bringing back the light-skinned brother and the fade.

26. Memphis Grizzlies (4-13) – Marko Jaric – “God”



27. Minnesota Timberwolves (4-12) – Craig Smith – Probably a top-4 strong man in the league, up there with Shaq, Howard and LeBron.

28. Los Angeles Clippers (3-13) – Ricky Davis – None of these chicks are even 15.



29. Washington Wizards (2-12) – Nick Young – The only guy to have piked on LeBron.




30. Oklahoma City Thunder (2-16) – Damien Wilkins – Son of Gerald. Nephew of ‘Nique.


NBA Player of the Week:

Dwight Howard – 23.3 points, 16 boards & 3.3 swats to go with a 3-1 record short-handed.